Learning to fall
by Jessica12
Summary: L/L (CD) Luke is in an accident and he faces death...


Title: Learning to fall  
Author: Jessica  
Email: j_rothen@yahoo.se   
Distribution: Wherever...just let me know where   
Spoilers: None  
Rating: PG  
Feedback: YES please....j_rothen@yahoo.se  
Pairing: Lorelai/Luke  
Disclaimer:I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS.   
Summary: Luke is in an accident...and faces death.  
AUTHORS NOTE: English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar  
mistakes may occur.  
  
Death came knocking one snowy day in December.  
Luke Danes never saw the other car.  
It was close to midnight when it happened.  
The last thing he remembered thinking before he slammed  
into it was that he hoped he would be okay. Then darkness came   
and took him away.  
  
I was not ready to go to him.  
Not yet.  
I'm not sure if I ever will be ready.  
Rory has been.  
Sookie has been.  
Even my mother has been.  
But I wasn't ready.  
They say that he is still hanging on.  
I walk around this house trying not to thinking about him.  
I know that I should be there.  
Holding his hand.  
Talking to him.  
But I'm afraid I will shatter into millions of pieces if   
I go to him.  
I would die a thousands deaths.  
So I will stay here clinging to hope.  
  
It took one day to work up the courage to go to him.  
I never knew pain before I entered that hospital-room.  
He was so pale.  
Coma, they said.  
This must be hell.  
I hate hospitals.  
The way they smell.  
The smell of death.  
I sit down on a chair beside his bed.  
What am I doing here?  
I want to run as far away as possible.  
I want to save my heart.  
But I can't leave.  
I won't leave.  
Never again.  
  
They came to me just after the morning-sun had painted the room   
in beautiful colours.  
They came to tell me what I already knew.  
There was not much more they could do for him.  
It was in God's hands now.  
I have never believed in a higher power.  
But as I sat there starring at his pale face I wanted so   
desperately to believe in something.  
Anything.  
I needed something to cling to.  
So for the first time in a long time I prayed.  
  
--------------  
  
Emily Gilmore lingered in the doorway afraid to go in.  
Her daughter was sleeping with her head on the bed. Her cheek   
was resting against his hand.  
She looked pale.  
It looked like she was slowly fading away.  
Emily found herself crumbling as she entered the room.  
She wanted so much to spare her daughter from this pain.  
But she knew that there was nothing she could do.  
Except pray.  
She sat down beside her daughter.  
Her hands trembled as she reached out her hand and stroke Lorelai's  
cheek.  
"Mum.."  
Lorelai sat up and brushed her tired eyes.  
"Lorelai..."  
Silence followed.  
Only the sound the heart monitor made pierced the silence of the   
room.  
"The doctor said that there is not much they can do."  
Emily looked at her daughter and every bone in her body screamed out  
to hold her.  
But she wasn't allowed.  
And that hurt.  
She settled with holding her hand.  
She took her daughters hand and looked at her.  
"He can make it through. Luke is a strong man."  
"Yes. He is..."  
"Have you notified his family?"  
"He has only a sister left. She is coming down from New York   
tomorrow."  
"Oh..."  
"They say that he can wake up tomorrow or the next month or  
he might never wake up..."  
"Oh, honey..."  
Lorelai looked at her mother and for the first time in a really long  
time she just wanted to feel her arms around her.  
She wanted to be held.  
Needed to be held.  
But too much time had passed.  
Too much bad blood.  
Too many harsh words had been spoken.  
So she crept back into her shell.  
"It looks like he is sleeping."  
"Yes, it does."  
Outside the snow kept coming down.  
  
--------------  
  
My mother left as soon as night crept closer.  
She said she would take care of Rory for a while.  
I had wanted to go home to talk to her but I couldn't  
leave his side.  
I cling to every breath he takes.  
They are like magic to my frozen heart.  
  
----------------  
  
Days passed by so slowly.  
His sister came and went.  
She said she would take care of the diner.  
I spend my days by his side.  
The nurses tried to make me go home.  
But I couldn't.  
I wouldn't leave him.  
I have a hard time sleeping.  
They even offered a pill to make me sleep.  
But I refused.  
I didn't want my mind clouded by drugs.  
  
I hate this room.  
I hate the way it smells and the sounds the machine  
makes.  
I hate every tube that goes in and out of his torn  
body.  
But I know that it's breathing life into his body.  
I'm completely powerless.   
That scares me.  
  
--------------  
  
Rory came the next morning.  
She brought flowers.  
Roses.  
She held me.  
She kissed my cheek and whispered  
words of comfort.  
I could always count on Rory to   
be the strong one.  
She sat down beside me and looked at Luke:  
"How is he?"  
"No, change."  
Silence followed.  
No smart remarks.  
No witty comebacks.  
I was so tired of all of that.  
"What will I do if he leaves me?"  
"No, mum...He will be fine..."  
"I don't think I could take him leaving."  
I looked at my daughter.  
Tears in my eyes.  
"This is Luke. He is the strongest person I know. He will make it."  
She wrapped her arms around me.  
"I don't know how to let him go. I'm not ready. Not yet."  
"I know, mum. I know."  
"How could this happen? It wasn't supposed to end like this."  
"He'll make it. You have to believe that."  
"I don't know if I can."  
"He will find his back to us."  
"Or else I will kick his ass."  
She held me along time while I let myself cry.  
She left as soon as the moon pierced through my window.  
I sat along time just holding his hand.  
And I prayed.  
  
The sounds from the machine woke me.  
I had fallen asleep sometimes during the night.  
I was still holding his hand.  
I sat up and brushed my tired eyes.  
It was still dark outside.  
I had watched so many episodes of ER that I knew what was happening.  
The machine that managed his heart had gone blank.  
Panic ate at my heart.  
"Don't do this, Luke!!!!"  
They came a second later.   
They pushed me a side.  
I stumbled backwards watching as they worked on him.  
"What's happening!? WHAT'S HAPPENING? TELL ME!"  
A nurse pushed me out into the hallway with the words that everything  
was going to be okay.  
Somebody was lying.  
  
Seconds felt like minutes and minutes felt like hours.  
I wanted to bang on that door.  
I was falling apart with every minute that passed.  
Then they came.  
To break my heart.  
To shatter my soul.  
To kill me.  
A young doctor with kind eyes told me that his heart has stopped.   
They hadn't been able to save him.  
Luke Danes had died one cold winters day in the middle of December.  
I fell apart.  
I fell.  
I crumbled to the floor.  
Strong arms pulled me up.  
Kind words tried to ease my pain.  
Didn't they know that nothing could ever heal this shattered heart  
of mine?  
He was gone.  
He had left this world without even saying goodbye.  
I stumbled towards the door.  
On weak legs.  
I wanted to touch him.  
Hold him.  
See him.  
One last time.  
I could hardly open the door.  
Trembling.  
The room was dark.  
Only the moon kept me company.  
I closed the door behind me.  
I had lost him.  
Him.  
Luke.  
I walked up to his bed.  
It looked like he was sleeping.  
I fell to my knees beside his bed.  
I took his hand in mine.  
It was so cold.  
He was so pale.  
I wanted to scream his name.  
Too late now.  
Pain ripped at my heart as I tried to breathe.  
My hands trembled as I reached out and touched his cheek.  
So cold.  
My hands absorbed him.  
I wanted to remember everything.  
My fingers traced his lips, his nose, and his chin.  
Everything.  
I wanted his face to be forever branded in my memory.  
How can I say goodbye to him?  
How can I let him go?  
How can I ever part from him?  
"Don't leave me, Luke..."  
Too late.  
I had already lost.  
Tears marked my face as I stroke his cheek.  
"I don't know if I can make it out here alone. Not without you.   
I don't know if I want to."  
I should have hold on to him that nothing ever could part us.  
I should have cherished every moment we spent together.  
But I thought....  
I rise.  
Falling.  
Alone again.  
I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him to me.  
Holding him.  
Cradling him.  
Luke.  
I closed my eyes and whispered the words I never dared to speak   
out load:  
"I love you."  
Pained came knocking.  
Welcome.  
  
---------------  
  
The sun came to pay us a visit the day we laid him to rest.  
Stars Hollow was in mourning.  
We laid him to rest on a small hill below an oak-tree. I think  
he would like it.  
I stood there starring at his coffin.  
It was time to say goodbye to him.  
His grave.  
He was before me.  
Laughing.  
Smiling.  
The priest had finished.  
I stumbled forward towards that dark hole that would be his home for  
the coming years.   
I just stood there staring at his coffin, holding a red rose,   
while the mourners came and went.  
I couldn't truly believe that I was standing in front of his grave.  
Rory was beside me.  
Sookie.  
Jackson.  
My father and mother.  
How can they know my pain?  
I wanted to scream.  
I felt dead inside.  
Goodbye.  
Farewell.  
To my friend.  
To Luke.  
Savior.  
Soft place to fall.  
Hero.  
My love.  
Only love.  
My legs gave away and I crumbled to the ground.  
In a final plead to the heavens I cried his name.   
But my prayers remained unheard.  
I cried.  
For him.  
For my heart.  
For us.  
For what will never be.  
Finally I rose.  
Needed to be strong now.  
I stand there watching them lower the coffin into the grave.  
I kiss the red rose and let it carry my message into the dark   
grave.  
"I love you, Luke Danes. Stay safe."  
Then I took my daughters hand in mine and together we walked towards  
the car.  
This is goodbye.  
  
-----------------------  
  
FEEDBACK::::::::PLEASE____j_rothen@yahoo.se 


End file.
